Lift it up

So, I spent the weekend with my youth group at this camp thing about 45 minutes away. It was pretty cool, I guess. The middle school youth group was there, and I made an effort to get to know all of them at least a little. Wow, I had them all wrong. To me, the middle school boys were stupid and immature and never shut up. Sometimes, yeah that's true, but other times, they're so honest and so much more spiritual than they appear. And the middle school girls remind me so much of myself at that age, and they make me want to be a good role model.

I made some new friends, and I'm excited about that. I'm not sure how much the retreat helped my relationship with God, other than making me want to be a better role model. I guess I learned a lot of different things, but not one major theme. That's all right, I don't regret going by any means.

We played slaughter and I can't move today. If you don't know what slaughter is, then trust me that it's just as painful as it sounds. My youth pastor pulled a chunk of my hair off his shoulder. A girl dislocated her shoulder. My face got shoved into the mud, and a 250lb kid fell on top of me while my legs were already in a horribly uncomfortable position. It was great.

So my weekend was good, but then I got home. As soon as I walk inside, my sister is demanding me to take her and her friend to AC Moore. I'm tired, but I agree cause I like spending time with her. Well, I'm quite obviously not feeling well once we get to the store, and I'm extremely tired and sore. I get yelled at when I ask them to please choose something so we can go. When I make suggestions, I get an eye roll. Then they decide we have to go to another store. It's close, so I'm fine with it. They run off and again, take forever. Fine, whatever.

When I get home, I hang out with my mom and then go take a nap. When Alonna leaves, Steph gets on the computer and all. After I wake up, I go watch half of RENT with my parents. I asked Steph to watch it with us, but she yelled at me. Afterward, I ask to get on the computer, and I get "UGH. I like, JUST started talking to someone I havent talked to in like a WEEK." Ok, she had solitare up. That's all. I'm fine if she doesn't want to let me on the computer, but I've been trying so hard to be nice to her all day.. I drive 45 minutes for her and her stupid friend, and I've been missing her all weekend, but when I get home she just shuts me down.

And for the past hour I've been trying to give my anger and hurt to God. It's silly and it's stupid, but it's strong. I've been praying, and God is faithful, but I just need to talk about it to someone. I wish I could talk to her, but that'd just make me more angry, and I know God doesn't want that. So I'm trying to lift it and have Him take it. It's silly and stupid, but it's hard. I want to be mad, and I want to make her guilty for making me cry. But I'll try and listen to God.