Who I am is quite enough

Sometimes it only takes drinking a coke and watching MTV at the same time. Sometimes, like tonight, it takes eating half a box of girlscout cookies, and sometimes just from standing in front of the mirror. But no matter why or how it happens, I once in a while find myself tempted to go back. Why should I? I've made it so far. Granted, I've gained 15 pounds since, but the important thing is I am a healthy weight. It frightens me, how I can go from feeling great about myself to feeling terrible just by eating a donut or looking in a mirror or even watching The Fabulous Life of Paris Hilton. It's not right that I have to question my beauty when I know that I am of extreme value to God. My friend Jessi told me about this book called Captivating, and I think once I'm done with my current devotional I'll check it out. I've gotten so much better, but I'm not quite there yet. My friends are so beautiful. I hate to envy them, but I do. To me, I'm only beautiful from certain angles and in this type of lighting and in that pair of pants. That's not right. I know that I'm beautiful to God even when I'm in a sports bra and sweatpants eating girl scout cookies till I cry. But sometimes I feel like that's not enough. That is wrong.

I've come a long way, and God is faithful. I just don't understand why I'm not what I want to be, yet.