Pain

I had my wisdom teeth pulled Thursday, and the pain has been on and off, but at 5:40am or so I woke up in the most incredibly awful pain I have ever experienced.

Though, on the bright side, I had a lot of fun with my friends last night. It's nice to just relax and have fun. We went to the beach and had a bonfire. Sam[antha], Aaron, Bianca and I went into the house because the power went out and scared Sam's cousins and sibilings. I was quite freezing though. Towards the end of the night I was in a lot of pain and sleeping in the sand. We also found a lot of dead fish on the beach...

Well, I hope you girls are doing well and having lovely days.

Safe in here from all the stupid questions

stay quiet
stay near
stay close
they can't hear

John gets in tomorrow morning.

/excited.

I've only been gone for two weeks but I miss him fiercely.

Prom: Part II.

So I haven't heard of anything bad happening after prom, so that's good.

The dance was not too fun, my dress straps broke, and my gym teacher fixed them (about three times.) The college guys in the office of the place we were holding prom were very helpful. They found us all kinds of pins to put my dress backtogether with. Most of the dancing was lame, but I did "fight dance" with Scott. (I definitley won.)

The afterparty at Livi's was the best, though. We were attacked by silly string, and I was able to silly string Aaron. I also determined that if Alex and Adam were the pony express, Adam would win and Alex would be put out to pasture.

I also enjoyed our trip to Denny's at 3 in the morning. Sam and I split a large breakfast and we all sat and had a lot of fun. There were 18 of us at the restraunt. I apparently was (in my past life) Zelda Fitgerald's Godmother.


Now I must go lie down a bit before starting my research paper.

Prom

Tonight is prom, and I'm incredibly worried about everyone in my school. I pray no one does anything dangerous. It's strange, because I know at my after party I'm going to be so safe, and so are all my really close friends. I just worry about everyone else. Whether they're at a bad afterparty or they've been drinking and then drive, or drive with someone that has been drinking.

one day i slowly floated away

it appears i have grown fairly apathetic.

Are you there God?

Why do we so often expect God to answer to us for things in the world that we don't like? Why do we think we're "allowed" to hate God because there is suffering? Have we not brought it upon ourselves?

breakdown, breakthrough.

I was taught at a retreat that every breakthrough begins with a breakdown/every breakdown ends with a breakthrough.

where is my breakthrough?

how long do I have to wait?

disgrace.

I don't understand how people can cling so tightly to one particular sin they know is wrong, try to rationalize it, make it ok, tell themselves it's fine..and then go to God and pretend like he doesn't know about it . . .and be okay.

It's easy to tell myself it's ok when I'm not reading His word or talking to him. But then I do..and I start to feel guilty..so I just stop reading, stop coming to Him altogether.

I try to rationalize it every single day. "The Bible doesn't directly speak about it, so it's okay." And I go to God..I feel guilt, and sometimes I choose my sin before my God.

What a disgrace.

...

I really hate that in today's teenage culture you have to be beautiful to be well-respected. Forget your intelligence, your personality, spirt and anything else. It's just a pretty face.

I believe I'm naturally pretty, but in comparison to so many people, I fall short. I don't like feeling substandard, and it really shouldn't affect me, but sometimes I just want to feel beautiful. And it's a selfish thing.

Cordell calls me Mommy

"I love you, mommy."
"I'm not your mommy, sugar."
"Yes, you are my mommy."

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

One of my best friends has been purging, and i blame myself. If I didn't judge myself so harsley around her, maybe she wouldn't have the standard she does. Or if she didn't see how much thinner I became when I was bulimic, she wouldn't bother to try it. She told me she'd only just started, only done it a few times, but that's complete bs and i can tell.

You know what's even worse? I find this out 2 days after I realize that making a mistake a couple weeks ago doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. I come to terms with my mistake and then boom, my best friend is headed toward the path i just struggled back from.

Now, I feel like I have to compete with her. I can't be fatter than her.

But i found out today that most of the calories you eat are absorbed before they reach the stomach. Purging only gets rid of about 20% of the calories you eat.

Yep.

- Liane.

Prom

Last night was my junior prom :) It was great. I went with a friend and we didn't have to spend the whole time together, so that was good. The only damper on my evening was that a certain alumnus named Greg attended. I don't like Greg much, considering he stalked me for a while, lied to get my personal information, and abused the knowledge of it. For example, I did NOT want to know what our children would look like or how we would make them, but the letters he sent me described both in detail. So when I found out he was coming to prom, I couldn't eat, and I started to freak out a little bit. Whenever I'd see him there, I'd start shaking and get angry or upset (there's more to the story than I'm telling on splendid) and until he told one of my friends that he had no intention to bother me or make any contact, I was having a pretty bad night. But after that, all was well.

We had a lesbian slut-off, which was fun (which two girls can dance like ho's together best) and ummmm the DJ played Cotton Eye Joe for about 10 minutes. There was a chocolate fountain (!!!) and it was just a lot of fun. Post prom was all right.. one of my best friends and I spent an hour in the moon bounce, from 3-4 am. That will mess you up, fair warning. After post prom we went to IHOP and I got home around 7.

Lucy and I had an unintentional heart-to-heart before post prom, and we ignored our new knowledges of eachother for the rest of the night, but I'm just sitting and waiting until it resurfaces and we have problems with it. It wasn't happy.


All in all, though, my night was fantastic. I sound like I've been smoking for 70 years.

- Liane

Meg- New Skin

I changed the skin- it just seemed to fit the blog title of splendid, and it was adorable. You can mess around with the links and the "about" page. I just put the standard book in there. I suppose, since we can't leave comments on the page that we can use the book. Hope you don't mind. :) Oi, and it doesn't tell us who posted what. If anyone finds something else, that'd be nice too.

And for a regular update on my life- I'm content. For the first time in weeks, I feel like I can breathe.

ETA: It doesn't give us our titles either. I don't like it anymore.

Meg

Thank God for music.

I am so weak and I'm so tired

When all else fails, sometimes you just need to be able to let everything else fade out, focusing on the steady beat of the drums, the constant rythym of the bass. It really helps to forget about everything going wrong in the world, to have something so small to focus on so strongly.

ahoy there mates

today sucked hardcore. i went for my psychology final at 2 (the normal class time) instead of 1 (which is when it was scheduled) and so then much drama ensued concerning him not being in his office, me driving home and finding out my mom got ahold of him, driving back, taking it, getting deducted points for taking it late.

blah.

sometimes i wonter why.

Date Night

Is it okay to be this nervous? Afterall, it's just my husband, but I have butterflies in my stomach and feel dizzy. I want this night to last forever.