Tonight was my first real like, "party" party. To be honest, I was planning on getting smashed; then I realized I had to work at 7:30 the next morning. But then, I found out that my grandpa has had yet another stroke, and I called off work so I could visit him tomorrow, so that left the whole work thing open. By the time I got there I wasn't sure if I would drink or not - I made sure my mom would let me stay the night, just in case.

So I go to the party and my best friend is completely, 100% shitfaced . . . at 8:45 in the evening. Needless to say it was a very long night. I smell like vodka and vomit.. Seriously, this girl I hardly knew threw up in the foyer and it went freaking everywhere. I was the only sober one, so I cleaned it up. My favorite shorts have vomit on them. Cool. Then this guy decided it'd be a good idea to take 2 tylenol, drink a whole lot, and take a few hits of weed. He was so messed up I had to check on him every 5 minutes to make sure he wasn't choking. He's like this huge football player, and I picked him up off the floor and put him on the couch. Everyone was just completely trashed and there I was, making sure everyone had enough water or was able to get to the bathroom in time.

It wasn't fun. However, because of tonight I've shed my image as this uptight, judgmental Christian who doesn't have fun and wants to tattle on everyone. They see me as someone willing to do disgusting things and sacrifice having a good time so that I can help people. I know a lot of them won't remember the details later, but I know that to them, I don't represent this oppressive form of Christianity anymore, but the loving, servant form.

I don't want to be part of the moral majority who judges people based on how much alcohol they drink, whether they smoke, and if they've ever had sex before marriage. I want my friends to know that when they mess up, I'm not going to judge them- I'm going to help them get out and make sure they're okay. Being judged never makes a person want to change, it makes them want to hide. I don't want my friends to hide from me, and I don't want to represent Christ as a policeman.

I still smell like puke, even though I'm in different clothes.