Hey morbidity

I looked through my local newspaper's obituaries today, hoping to find an old, distant acquaintance among the names, so I could have an excuse to cry in front of my roommates.

I'm finding my emotions much harder to control. And there's no way I'm crying in front of these people yet.

i'll be your stumbleline.

i don't want to go back to chicago.

i will miss him terribly.

fly away

I feel like I'm never going to make friends.

Everyone says join a club. I'm going to, but meetings haven't started yet.

Everyone's falling into place somewhere, but I'm not.

I hate this place.

Senior Year

John and I are both in college this year. He's taking 6 hours and I'm taking 18. He's working full time and I'm trying to land a writing job working 15 hours a week. I want some extra money so I can take dance lessons. Sure, it's pole dancing lessons, but that doesn't mean anything. I had a crazy summer so I'm glad things are settling down, and I'm getting into a comfortable routine of school, home, family, work. I like comfortable.

I know where I'm going, and I know where I've been

College is good. I really like it a lot. Spanish is moving pretty fast for me, but it's only because it's been so long since I've been in a Spanish class. I'm sure I'll catch up soon. I LOVE Scripture and Interpretation. Public Speaking seems pretty cool. I like my roommates a lot; one of them and I get along especially well. We all pretty much get along, though. The girls on my hall are awesome and I love them a lot. We're going to watch Hairpsray tonight, and we had a High School Musical party a couple nights ago. I love it.

Oh, and I've lost 20 lbs since graduation. Suck it, Freshman Fifteen.

I'll move away, but I'm never ready to leave

...How do you pack for college?

I have no idea where to start. I should probably figure it out soon, cause I'm leaving in 8 days. By Saturday night I'll have all my shopping done. My mom and dad are too busy to really help me pack. Crapppp.

Maybe I should start with sorting laundry?
Yeah, I'll do that. Dangit.

band aids over broken hearts

"I read bowling pins like tea leaves. Every pin I knock down is a boy who'll break my heart. I always bowl a perfect game."-asofterworld.

I promised myself I would never date in high school. I never had a real boyfriend, just a "boyfriend" for two months freshman year.

Though, I had a lot of guy friends that I got close to. And of course, most of them ended up with bruised hearts. Sometimes a broken one.

but, as I go to college, I'm not really sure I can look forward to it. I'm afraid I'll have to guard myself more.

It's not the end of the world - it's just another day depending on grace

My savior - he can move the mountains

My God is mighty to save.

Job 1:21
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord!

And every single lie sounds like the greatest truth

Forgiveness is hard. It's especially hard when you really, really want to forgive, but you're still vulnerable and somehow keep letting yourself get hurt.

I can't cut ties, and I can't just sit here and stay bitter. I don't know what to do. I don't like seeing things as they really are.

2 months

It's so unbelievable how much can change in two months.