if there was no way into god...

...i would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.


i know how this sounds.

but i think my atheist boyfriend may actually be having a positive impact on my relationship with God.

it is forcing me to examine what i believe and why, something i have been putting off for who knows how long. i have been so weak for such a long time, all the while knowing that i still believe, but not taking it any further than that.

now i am examining it, questioning it, figuring it out.

feels good.